Oh Diary! Chapter VII

Little did I know the storm that is going to hit me. Strong. In the background, you can hear Meryl Streep singing Slippping Through My Fingers on loop accompanied by my recently edited TikTok. I sat there, with tears in my eyes, my eyeballs numb and my nose clogged. I know the reality, that in a couple hours I would need to get myself up and get ready for a long day full of workload. But what if I wanted a break? 

This week was supposed to be honey cherry pie. Starting with a family dinner then a breakfast the next day. What a weekend. I would have to sacrifice a little on the weekdays by torturing my mental health and completing all the necessary documents for my job next week. And to add cream on top, this week is supposed to end with a holiday with friends. Supposed to. 

We managed to do the family dinner and breakfast but that's about it. Hell broke loose after that, Lucifer was not on duty I'm guessing. A friend contracted the virus (COVID 19) hence we had to postpone the holiday (yeay). I also found out the abundance of documentation that I need to complete by Wednesday (hooray). As if that is not stressful enough, my elder brother had to release his monthy rage and anger. He is 32 for fuck's sake and here he is breaking glasses and tearing curtains. And obviously it had nothing to do with the rest of us. It's the typical husband and wife argument that led to us being horrible human beings. It was too much for me, here I was dreaming of Sebastian Stan's beautiful Romanian face kidnapping woman for the purpose of cannabalism (it's a movie)-Fresh, with my newly bought snacks and confectionaries when it all happened. I was done with it. This cannot continue. I need for this to stop hence Nadia told my sister in law that she would love for them to leave (to which I agreed upon). She then agreed that it would happen but Nadia was not buying a minute of her time (again I support).  

But of course, what is this family if it does not consist of unhealthy amount of drama? My sister in law left. with her baby. That's about it. Leaving the satan spawn downstairs for us to deal with. She left out of nowhere and no one knew where she was. or Eshal for that matter. For now I am positive that she is planning to move back to Sarawak and take Eshal with her (I am okay with that) but I feel like the lot of us deserve a proper goodbye. Your husband is the shitty one, we did nothing. How can one be so cruel and do this to the lot of us? With all of this happening, I doubt we will be able to see Eshal in the near future with Ramadan and Eid approaching. Hell, I don't think we would be able to celebrate her second birthday even. God knows when I would be able to see her. Next month? Next year? In 20 years time? I have zero fucking idea. 

This was supposed to be her first Eid, her first Ramadan with us. And it was taken away from us without any of our knowledge. I grief. I mourn. It feels like I am losing her, for good. There is no space in my brain that would have the capability to imagine a life without Eshal, without her smile, her scent, her crazy laugh, those big beautiful eyes, the way she says 'baby' and 'bubbles'. without her presence. I don't want to be in my 30's or 40's and finally having the chance to meet her where she will have no idea who I am, or the memories we shared for a short time. The bond we build would crumble like that of Pompeii. I cannot look at her as a stranger, she is apart of us. She belongs to us too. 

Little did I know, she was given to me on borrowed time. I will forever love you Eshal no matter how stretched out our relationship is going to be. Choti Pua loves you, stay safe Shalu <3

-chapter seven, the end-